If you’re embarking on dry January, or on your own personal sober journey, firstly, well done.

But you might want to ensure you have some sober tools in your toolbox to help you along the way, things you can use to make the journey a little easier. Here are some of my personal favourites that totally work for me - you may find that not all of them work or are practical for you - no biggie. But as you go further along, you will definitely find things that DO resonate with you, and you can customise your own set of tools that will assist you. For now, here's a starter pack :)

So first, a little background about my journey... I started my current sobriety in May 2020, during the first UK lockdown. I had tried various efforts at this before, once making it painfully to the end of dry january, limping along dejected, demoralised and feeling deprived. I know now that I didn’t have the right tools for the job, I barely knew what I was doing and was frankly relieved to reach February to be ‘allowed’ to drink again. (Error no. 1 - my mindset was all screwed up. I should have been celebrating my sobriety, not feeling deprived of drink. But anyway.) As my birthday is at the start of Feb, this doubled as an excuse to celebrate and instead of building on what I had achieved, I ran away from it and returned wholeheartedly to the booze hanging on to a bonafide birthday 'excuse'.

My sober journey this time round had more purpose, and darker elements had culminated enough for me to really want, and more to the point, NEED to stop. A particularly bad blackout experience and crippling depressive episodes, only made worse by drinking, had brought it to the fore. This time, I got so desperate that I called the doctors surgery for help – something I didn’t take lightly as we were in the middle of a global pandemic, and y’know, doctors were busy. They sent me a well-meaning but f*ck offish email in return, suggesting I contact a local substance abuse support group. Their heart was in the right place. But what I really wanted at the time was for the doctor to prescribe me something that would shut that sh*t down. IMMEDIATELY. I couldn’t do it myself, I had tried several times, and massively and dramatically failed (i.e voice in my head saying"I couldn't do it, I'm sh*t, gin will definitely help me feel less like a crappy useless failure. Let's go buy gin." And repeat to fade). So instead I turned to someone who had achieved this herself, been in my life sometime, albeit virtually via her blog emails and website – Belle from www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com. (She is AMAZING).

I knew that as well as offering free daily emails with wise words, she also provided a one-on-one sober support service. So I pledged to join her 100 day challenge, and also signed up to have her as my one-on-one sober coach via email for a whole year – this would also give me a valuable and much needed accountability. I don’t know why this worked so well for me, but it did – accountability is often sited as a sober tool that really does work. You’re less likely to cheat (well I know I am). Equally, because I was paying quite a bit for this amazing support, I knew it had to be a serious commitment. Belle pointed out that the money I was spending would easily equate to what I would have spent on booze, and she is right – this also hit home that there was no way I would be spending out for both! So, this is tool no 1, and personally most important for staying sober...

1. ACCOUNTABILITY ~

So accountability is definitely the absolutely main tool that I’ve found invaluable, and one that needs to be used daily. Hourly perhaps to begin with. If money is an issue, you don't have to pay for it; a really great way to achieve this is to join one of the many sober groups online, or through facebook, such as club soda alcohol free or sobalicious. There are countless groups out there, and sometimes it's a matter of finding one that fits you best, but these two have been amazing for me, and offer great support while enabling you to be accountable externally to your sober commitment.

Meetings, be it through AA or any other sober support network, are also important not only for accountability, but to feel that invaluable in-person support that can't necessarily be replicated online. Most organisations (including facebook sober support groups) are now running zoom meetings due to the pandemic, which is great and allows the shy to remain off camera/on mute, if you'd just like to be there and listen. I fully intended to lurk off camera at my first sobalicious zoom meeting, but they group were so friendly and welcoming it was a very short lived intention. Everyone at the meeting will have been in your shoes, so it really is an incredibly supportive experience.

2. DONT DRINK!~

The crux really of what you're trying to achieve, and there are ways to help you avoid it. The main message is MOVE, not just in an cardio exercise capacity. although that is definitely an excellent tool (see no. 4). At the beginning of your sobriety, the cravings kick in frequently. My witching hour would hit between 5-7pm every evening, at the time when I would usually be reaching for a glass or three of something after a hard day. The cravings (which apparently only last at most 20 mins or so) are of course made worse by dwelling on them. So doing something, anything, is a great way to distract the mind. Cleaning out a cupboard, cleaning anything actually, sorting out a messy drawer, call an old friend, cleaning an old friend (kidding - or not - whatever works) bake a batch of cookies, walk the imaginary/real dog, taking up a new hobby (for me, this was guitar). Try anything, all things, that will give your brain something else to ponder on. I found that if I could distract myself until around 8pm, I would be ok for the rest of the evening. If cravings are really bad, just take it literally one hour/twenty mins/five minutes at a time; promise yourself you WONT DRINK FOR NOW. Maybe tomorrow… but never today. As the old addage goes, 'one day at a time'. This helped me so much through the early days, and with luck you'll end up with a very clean house.

3. TREATS ~

This is a good one! This sober tool has seriously worked well for me (Belle champions this one and she is spot on). Treating myself to something lovely, to remind myself and my brain that I should be rewarded for my sobriety – I didn’t need to feel deprived of pleasure, it just couldn’t come in the form of booze. Psychologically this works amazingly well! My treat initially often came (and still does come) in the form of a Fry’s peppermint cream chocolate bar – weird, because I never used to have a sweet tooth AT ALL. Through my sobriety, I have also treated myself to a beautiful acoustic Fender (and am currently learning to play it) as well as some to-die-for pink Vans. But mostly, it's peppermint creams all the way baby, yeah!

4. EXERCISE ~

Having suffered from depression on and off, this is something that I knew helped pyschologically, even before I considered not drinking any more. Exercise boosts endorphins, stimulating the feel good hormones in our brains. Equally I always feel great after a workout or run, knowing I’ve achieved something positive and possibly counteracted some of the endless peppermint creams. So if all else fails, it’s worth getting up and doing something active, and counter balancing your treat cake.

5. BARE MINIMUM ~

If you’re finding things too tough, at any stage of your sobriety or life, then just do what will get you through. Eat, sleep, wash… the basics. Quite a lot can be dropped from life, especially in a pandemic (god bless you loungewear, or as I call it, pyjamas, likewise takeaways or random freezer feasts). Just be gentle with yourself. And this leads nicely into...

6. AVOID STRESS ~

If you can at all help it. Now our lives don't often allow us to just sloth about indefinitely, and yes there IS always going to be something stressful generally that will jump up and bite you on the butt. But if you can possibly be alert to, and step away from avoidable stressful situations, then you will be doing your early sobriety and headspace a really big favour. This equally applies to any social situations where you might be tempted. It's absolutely fine for you to JUST NOT GO. Or slip away early without saying goodbye. You are in control, and so don't test early sobriety by heading into any stressful situations that can be avoided.

7. SLEEP ~

As much as possible, whenever possible. You may find that alleviating booze from your life drains you of energy, mainly because of the amount of sugar it used to provide you. You can of course replace this with delicious cake, but you will still most likely feel like you could do with more sleep. This wont last forever, but sleep will help you reset if you're having a bad day, and a quick catnap is a great way to avoid or deal with stress; also and a good sleep routine helps nourish your state of mind, body and productivity. The extra lovely thing is, you will find that your sleep becomes a wonderful deep blanket of amazingness when you quit the booze, as your body can do it's sleepy thing without having to combat bucket loads of booze you've poured into it prior to bed. And I also found that my 3am wake ups, often full of horrifying 'what did I do/say/etc' have stopped. Completely. So yeah, sleep is awesome :)

8. REPLACEMENT DRINKS ~

Arm yourself with some decent replacement drinks, preferably ones that feel grown up, in order to feel like you can still have your chill time. Because you can... you don't need booze to relax. Every other element of the relaxation experience will still be there, whether your personal choice is a bubble bath, or putting your feet up and binge watching Netflix. You can still have a sophisticated, adult drink as part of this, and there are plenty out there now that are either non-alcohol alikes, such as 0% beers, noseccos and gins. If you're happy to try 0% alcohol a-likes (and some aren't given that they may be a trigger, so each to their own), I highly recommend Friexinet 0% or Nosecco as a prosecco replacement; Lucky Saint or Heineken 0 if you prefer beer, and the new Gordons 0.0% gin is incredible.

There are loads of lush cordials out there now, that are a bit more grown up. I love anything with ginger in, and bottlegreen's lemongrass and ginger goes beautifully with tonic, espeically fever tree's aromatic tonic. Robinson's do a lovely mint and lime one that has a hint of mojito about it when mixed with soda water... Or you can mix tonics or soda water with fruit juices such as cranberry (I love this) or grapefruit (another personal fave of mine). There are tons and tons of mocktail recipes out there on the internet, so get looking and work out what your preferred alcohol free tipple will be. I will be updating my mocktails page soon, so watch that space for some more ideas. And a posh glass, a bit of ice and a slice go a long way.

Personally, in the early days, I found retreating to my bed early with a pot of tea, biscuits and Netflix did it for me when it came to replacement drinks. It ticked the drinks, treats and sleep boxes, and created a new little cosy sober ritual for me... I still do it most nights.

9. QUIT LIT/PODCASTS ~

Get yourself armed with some good quit lit. From fact based ‘here’s what alcohol does to your brain’ ones such as Annie Grace's 'This Naked Mind' or 'Alcohol Explained' by William Porter, to real life stories of people climbing their way out of their personal alco-hells, there really is something for everyone. I will be compiling my own personal faves soon, so watch this space. But for now, ‘The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober’ by Catherine Gray was my first forray into quit lit, and I couldn’t put it down, it resonated so much with me. (It's also my current Book of the Month!) Likewise Bryony Gordon’s ‘Glorious Rock Bottom’.

And there are plenty of excellent podcasts out there, Belle has a subscription service (visit www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com for more info) or check out the myriad of free offerings on spotify etc - That Sober Guy Podcast is one of my faves. I found that listening to at least one a day at the beginning of my journey helped to boost my motivation and to stay on track - it's also really helpful to know you're not the only one out there going through this, and these guys offer loads of great advice on all elements of gaining, maintaining and the out and out benefits of sobriety.

10. GUARD! ~

Finally, you need to guard that sobriety like a fricking baby. Don't take your eye off it for one second; protect it at all costs, even if your drinking voice tries to convince you that it will be OK to leave it alone while you pop to the bar for a quick drink. It wont be there when you get back, and you will find yourself stuck back in the hideous cycle of drink once again. If you keep it close and safe, using your sober toolkit to constantly nurture and feed it, it will grow. Like a real boy. Or actual sobriety. So guard that sh*t with your life!