OK a bit of upfront honesty to begin with here: I’m no shrinking violet. I let things get to me – I’m just built that way. I’m not someone who can easily take life with a pinch of salt; I am feisty, passionate and opinionated (my father described me as ‘tenacious’ in his speech on my wedding day). There are of course plus sides to this – I get things done. I’m a brilliant problem solver and I tend to accomplish what I put my mind to... I mean, look at how I embraced drinking and made it mine, right? No half arsed efforts here, 100% commitment all the way baby!
Equally, this-foot-to-the-floor, hot-headed attitude means I’m not someone who reflects much or takes ages to consider things; I get on it, I get worked up easily, and as a result I like a really, really good bitch about things (who doesn’t?) It helps me to get things off my chest, to vent it out and hopefully move on as a result.
So imagine my surprise when I realised there was a down side to this – venting and bitching can get pretty exhausting and a little soul destroying when done on a frequent basis. The constant refrain of negativity can feel toxic and makes me feel a little shitty about myself. And so without sounding too nun-like, recently I have tried to flip my grumpiness around mentally (‘my favourite bloody teapot just smashed’ into ‘well at least I have teabags and the ability to have a cup of tea in a nice warm house’… And I LOVED that teapot). Anyway, you get the drift. Mostly, it works.
Being grateful for the good stuff isn’t a recent thing by any means; anyone who’s read books like Gretchin Rubin’s ‘Happiness Project’ (first published in 2009, and a really great book to make you find happiness in your own life) will know that the focus on it has been building for sometime. The bible is pretty big on the gratitude and being contented with our lot too – but if you know me at all by now, you’ll know I’m not that sort of nun, and this isn’t that sort of blog. I’m just saying the concept has been around for a really, really long time.
Some science for you: according to PositivePsychology.com
"When we express gratitude and receive the same, our brain releases dopamine and serotonin, the two crucial neurotransmitters responsible for our emotions, and they make us feel ‘good’. They enhance our mood immediately, making us feel happy from the inside".
Dopamine and seratonin… turns out these two fellas are exactly what alcohol releases in our brain when we drink, giving us the happiness buzz. So by contemplating our gratitude daily, we not only reinforce those neural pathways and encourage more happiness in our lives, but actively replicate the high we used to get from booze – just in a much healthier and more rewarding way.
You may know from reading my other posts, I love yoga, I practice every morning and always end with a short period of reflection/meditation. This can come in a few different forms - sometimes it’s inevitably a series of thoughts on the day to come. But mostly it comes in the form of a list (and you know how much I love a good list). This started when I was struggling about 8 months ago, new to sobriety, and coming to terms with a lot of changes in my life. Facing up to responsibilities, trying to rectify what years of drinking had caused mentally - I was pretty down on myself, truth be told. At the time I was reading a book recommended to me called ‘Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It’ by Kamal Ravikant, and in this it was suggested that I take up a mantra (I did) possibly in the mirror (I didn’t). But as a result, my meditative list took on the form of an ‘I love myself’ mantra – I love myself because [insert reason here]. For the record, I was never really into mantras and meditation and that sort of thing, but I have found that affirmations can go a long way to bolster me mentally. This loving list then morphed naturally into more of a gratitude list. Instead of ‘I love myself’, it became ‘thank you for’ [insert things I loved about my life]. The five minutes of reflecting on this was only a little thing, but I found it helped me to reframe my mindset during the day, and every little helps, right? Especially during a global pandemic.
Turns out this is a great way to change mentally how you see things. Resentment can easily creep into our daily lives, especially reflections on what we no longer have ( booze is a good example - my drinking voice can often chime in with what I'm missing out on in sobriety, which is actual bullshit). Being able to knock that back, reframe and refocus my heart and mind on the good stuff gives me strength and positivity to fight my way through - it's not easy taming the inner bitch, but daily focus helps a lot.
My morning list always leads with huge gratitude for my own sobriety (put on your own oxygen mask first), very closely followed by being eternally grateful for my Dad's recovery too. He has been an inspiration in all areas of my life, but especially since he fought his way into sobriety 17 years ago - I am so incredibly proud of him for that every day. Of course I have so much more to be thankful for (my beautiful, funny kids, amazing friends, a roof over my head, food on the table) - but without my sobriety I wouldn't have the clarity and energy to appreciate all those great things in my life, especially those beautiful little people; booze has a way of jading and tarnishing even the the brightest stars in our worlds. Sobriety brings a natural gratitude that's worth harnessing and celebrating; it makes those extra precious elements in life stand out in glorious technicolour, as they were always meant to.
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