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Lusting after Lists - reminders that sharpen my resolve

So when I first started on this sober endeavour, I made a shortish list of Things That Make Me Happy (aside from booze, which actually never did - it totally took me to depths of awful

places I’d rather not visit again). So yeah, happy stuff. I needed to reframe my focus on positive things, and see it in black and white, in case I was having a bad day; if so,

I could do one or all of them, or at the very least stare at the list, and remind myself of what did it for me.


Turns out I liked writing lists, so I also made one of Things I’ve Done in Sobriety That I Couldn’t Have Done Before. Which hopefully will grow a whole lot more adventurous once the pandemic subsides (fingers crossed!).


Quickly followed by REASONS NOT TO DRINK (shouty and urgent, as it should be) which also massively helped me, acting as a kind of police tape reminder whenever I needed it - and I still often refer back to. This one is a living breathing growing beast, probably my longest list to date. I would highly recommend you write your own lists around your sobriety, it often helps to have a sense of what you would like to achieve, alongside a reminder of why being sober is so damn good (gratitude lists are a big thing right now and I can totally see why). So here goes, starting with:


Things That Make Me Happy

  • The kids… oh my god the kids. They are now at an age where they are hilarious and infuriating, possibly in equal measure – or maybe that’s every age. But teens have a certain wittiness they bloom into, and you have the lovely knowledge that your own twisted humour helped set theirs up. Sobriety has given me the gift of time to spend with them, energy to use up with them, and bloody hell I do love their company. Nothing makes me quite as happy as laughing till my tummy hurts with them, and having a cuddle when they VERY OCCASIONALLY allow it... it’s always worth the wait though.


  • My parents, sister and brother, who all share an incredibly mad but totally brilliant sense of humour. They are awesome, amazing and never ever fail to make me laugh.


  • Friends, of course. I would be so sad without the lovely support and laughter my friends give me. And I'm lucky enough to have a few good ones.


  • Making things grow… so mainly this list entry was ‘watering plants and gardening’. There’s definitely something amazing about being a part of nourishing and seeing something flourish, and actually I feel the same about my kids in that sense. With gardening there’s also a meditative sense of mindfulness that settles on me too, it’s about being out in the open air, sort of getting lost in the rhythms of pruning, cutting, planting etc. It’s a lovely hobby, and has an unbeatable sense of satisfaction when you can literally see the fruits of your efforts.

  • Swimming in the sea... It makes me so super happy to be bobbing around in the water, even if (and especially when) it is freezing outside and the water electrifies every single cell in my body, making me feel so utterly alive. It’s an awesome experience and boosts me mentally for the rest of the day.

  • Baking. Now I was never much of a baker previously, I like cooking, and I would make cakes and cookies with the kids because that’s nice to do. But given that I didn’t have a sweet tooth when I was drinking, it didn’t really occur to me (actually this makes me laugh, given all the sugar, mountains of the stuff that’s in booze – yes I did, I just drank my sugar quota!!) Anyway... baking cookies, lavender shortbread, chocolate muffins - ‘for the kids’, obviously – has become part of my home landscape now, and I think I love it because (hold up, here comes another list) it take me out of myself; it gives me a focus in the moment, mindfulness again if you will; it makes me feel a little bit Nigella-ish, but without the silken pyjamas, and it gives me something to eat with my nightly cuppa in bed. I get real pleasure out of it, and I also get total pleasure out of sharing the results with the kids, friends and neighbours. Feeder? Maybe. But it beats being a drinker any day.


  • Yoga. I’ve been in love with yoga for some time now, and have been practicing for about 5 years. It’s calming, it keeps me present, it tests me every time by physically and mentally challenging me, and equally makes me feel just downright good. I love the peace it gives me both during and after a session, and I can’t believe how many sessions I wasted by being hungover in the past. Not now, though; not now.


  • Running. I can’t say I love this in quite the same way as the others on the list, but my god I feel good after a run. And I also find that mentally, I get a bit grouchy and prickly if I don’t do it regularly. As Joe Wicks rightly says, you never regret a workout (unless you’re hungover and it gives you a migraine or the spins, which used to happen to me quite often. But you get Joe’s drift).


  • My dog, Rocket, who is cute as a fricking button and like all dogs, fulfils his earthly doggy purpose by making all humans happy around him. Long live the dogs.


Things I’ve Done in Sobriety that I Couldn’t Have Done Before

(As I said this list will grow, but the current pandemic we all find ourselves in tends to restrict things somewhat):

  • Bundling the kids into the car at 11pm and drive for 30 mins to see a FRICKING AWESOME ONCE IN A LIFETIME COMET!


  • Swim in the sea LOADS, because I can, it makes me so happy, and I have the energy, time and motivation to do it!


  • Waking up at 6am to do anything! ANYTHING! But mainly in the summer to run, stopping at the end for a sea dip to cool off, and catch the sunrise over the water when no one else is around. I would never have been able to haul my hungover butt out of bed at this time of day before. It’s wonderful.


  • Be available, awake and sober at the end of the phone and able to drive should the need arise ABSOLUTELY ANY TIME OF THE DAY OR NIGHT for whoever needs it. Especially my children, if they are with their Dad/at sleepovers/just simply need me. Anytime. Even though I guard my sleep jealously, I still think this is great.


  • Taking the kids on holiday, on my own, being able to do all the driving, navigating etc without having a huge hangover/dubious blood alcohol content/massively paralysing panic attack.


  • And I no longer have to carry a packet of Immodium around with me AT ALL TIMES. I can simply leave the house safe in the knowledge that the bottom wont literally fall out of my world at any given moment. Pure magic.





And finally, my biggest list of all...

REASONS NOT TO DRINK

  • My promise to the kids: When I told my kids I was quitting drinking, my son’s reaction was so wonderful, the huge smile he gave me was amazing - even more so, the fact that he told me how proud he was of me. It made my heart ache with sadness and gladness all at once. I'm determined not to let them down... and since then they have both cheered me on, in various unique ways, and that has spurred me on so much. It’s for them as much as for me. Perhaps more so.


  • My promise to myself, and accountability to my sober pledge. So if you’ve read my post ‘10 Sober Tools’ then you’ll know that I signed up for a one-on-one sober coach for a year (Belle at www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com). And since it wasn’t cheap, it’s provided amazing motivation to keep going!


  • No more lost evenings… my evenings now are spent doing nice things, spending time with the kids, learning to play guitar, baking, writing and testing out delicious mocktails for my blog. I don’t have the frantic rush to the bottle that I used to have; there’s less stress generally and I have more time to do the things I want to do now. It gives me more mental head space than I’ve ever had, and I can remember it all!


  • I don’t wake up on the sofa any more, cold and dehydrated and having to drag myself up to bed. So much nicer just getting to my cosy bed when I want to!


  • No more lost days HUNGOVER. This one speaks for itself.


  • I can remember conversations! (Mostly. I do however have a pretty bad memory generally, but y’know, I’ll take a victory where I can).


  • No more crippling anxiety. This one has made a huge difference in my life, and opened it up to so many new possibilities. I’m in the process of writing a blog post about my anxiety when I drank, and how that has now almost completely gone, so watch this space for that. But generally my mind is calmer, I have more mental head space, I am much more capable in stressful situations and I don’t tend to get worked up about stressful events, journeys or challenges any more.


  • As I mentioned earlier, I can drive anywhere, anytime. This doesn’t sound like much, but given how narrow my focus and booze-orientated my life was, this now thrills me. Comet in the middle of the night? No problem. Tesco run when it’s nice and quiet at 10pm? I’m on it. Mercy dash to the vets because Rocket licked a squirrel and it didn't go down well? Get me my keys! It just makes me feel good to know that god forbid if anyone needed me in an emergency, I would be there literally anytime; I could never have said that before and it makes me feel good.


  • No more drunken depression. So this got really really bad towards the end of my drinking days. Given that I was alone half the time when the kids were at their Dad’s, failing miserably to come to terms with the end of my marriage (for which I was mainly responsible) the drink took over and I often spent time crying, depressed and with no sane sober sense of reason. I honestly believe that I’m only here now because when tempted to do something stupid, which was often, the thought of leaving the kids motherless stopped me. Luckily I also had an amazing friend who would listen to me cry for hours, any time of night, and who was always, always there to talk me back off the ledge. But yeah, since kicking the booze, I am far more rational, sane, and happy thankfully.


  • No more blackouts. My blackouts throughout my drinking career surely deserve a blog post all of their own, and no doubt they will get one - thinking back to some of them still sends a chill down my spine. I would often blackout but still be fully operational, doing and saying things and allowing myself to get into situations that were frankly terrifying. Mostly I would come back to my senses in the midst of said situation that drunk Jo had landed me in, and then have to get myself out of it. I certainly wont be sorry to see the back of this particular one woman horror show.


  • It’s better for my mental wellbeing – see ALL of the above!


  • It’s better for my physical wellbeing. Despite all the baking, I’ve found that my weight has dropped, and I’m fitter and leaner from being able to get up and exercise rather than lounge about feeling sorry for myself and hungover.


  • I no longer have to lie, hide or pretend how much I have drunk or want to drink, or attempt to moderate. That alone is a huge relief in itself as frankly all that sh*t is exhausting.


So if like me, you like lists, give it a go; go make a list of things that help you stay sober and happy, because even the littlest thing helps so much when you’re trying to do a really big thing. And this is a pretty big thing that you’re doing, which automatically makes you amazing, so make sure you remember that too. Pop THAT on your list. Go write my pretties, go write!!










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